Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Once I was dug up

I saw the movie Once last weekend and I cannot get it out of my head. I adore it. I haven't felt this way about a movie maybe since Amelie, which if you know me and my feelings about Amelie then you know the love is pretty strong. The intimacy & honesty in the film really touched me. I also liked the music but mostly I love the girl. I don't want to spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen it, but if you haven't seen it, you definitely should. I felt while I was watching it that a part of me that has been shut down for some time now was coming back to the surface. I feel like I haven't allowed myself the time or mental space to appreciate art of any kind since Max was born or even the last few months of being pregnant. What I thought about a lot while watching the film and since is that spontanaeity is somewhat absent from my day-to-day. Happy accidents don't happen for me anymore. It is rare that I'm not in a hurry and since I seem to be in a hurry a lot of the time there isn't room for that inspirational spark of conversation with a stranger or looking out the window of the train to see something unexpected and beautiful. I really miss that freedom sometimes. Of course, I'm really in a hurry to get home and get my paws on my baby, but I've got to get creative about finding the cracks in my routine and recognizing unexpected beauty when its there.

I heard on the radio that the two stars from Once are going to be on my most-loathed radio program Sound Opinions this week. I've really hated that show since they basically called Feist a cheap Nina Simone knockoff. Those guys are idiots. I hope they approach this with a little more respect. I might have to actually listen to this show.

Friday, January 04, 2008

A Fresh Start

, originally uploaded by maelid.

So it goes, the passing of another year. 2007, you were good to me, dare I say, GREAT to me. Last year at this time as I was gearing up for my 29th birthday my friend Kelly joked that the 29-er is "the last good one." I really hope that isn't true and now as I'm staring down the barrel of my 30th birthday (in exactly one week) I have a pretty positive vibe regarding the future. 2007 saw the birth of my wonderful, amazing, adorable, brilliant (I could go on) son. That was definitely the highlight of my year. But 2007 was also filled with smaller, more subtle and gradual gifts like witnessing the blossoming of a father in my dear husband, the mother in myself and the family that we have made together. Gifts like a deepening bond with old and new friends alike and feeling more fullness in our relationships. Gifts like patience, selflessness & wonder that having a child tend to nurture. I learned so much about myself this year. 2007, as you were so good to me, I feel compelled to repay you by making 2008 an even better year. I want to build on the positive changes I've felt brewing beneath my somewhat cynical exterior. I have made a few modest goals, which I'll hang out on the clothesline now, so I can look back on them from time to time and remind myself what I truly want out of 2008. In no particular order:
- cultivate an open heart, willing to explore a winde range of emotions without closing up & retreating into silence.
- read more literature. make time for books in my life.
- continue to work on my relationship with material things, they do not define me or complete me. repeat this often.
- pay greater attention to the food I consume, the quality & quantity
- call my friends and family more often. be a better friend.
- move to Oregon.
- work on listening. resist the urge to always interrupt. resist the urge to offer solutions to any gripe someone tells me. listen. listen.
- spend quality time together as a family. once a month or more, visit a museum or public place together. stop being afraid to bring a baby in public. he has a right to experience this world.
- work on resisting the allure of the internet. waste less time wanting. spend more time having.
- continue to accept what life brings. continue to be humbled by goodness in the world and angered by injustice.
- refrain from bringing any new bags into the house. whenever possible, use reusable bags.