In Public With Things That Smell Bad

This morning I spent my commute with a bag of onions. Well, at least I am sure that is what everyone in the train car thought I was holding. Really I was bringing bagels with lox & all the fixings to my office for a breakfast meeting but its not like I could open the bag and show that to everyone who was casting snotty sidelong glances at me. I tried to put the frangrant offender in my bag, but the rustling of the bag only served to release even more of the onion smell. Finally I decided just to hold it and try not to move. It reminded me of this time when Ian and I went to Whole Foods and made ourselves these huge salads and then took them to the movies. I'll never do that again! After that I understood why movie theaters don't have their own salad bars. Salad stinks! At least the way I like it, with blue cheese and hard boiled eggs and balsamic vinaigrette. There we were, up in the top row -- I think we were seeing "Before Sunset" or some wussy movie like that. I'm eating my salad and this well-groomed couple sits down next to me. The woman immediately starts sniffing at the air, and turning up her nose. She kind of leans over and shoots me this look like I am the grossest person alive. An estimation with which, at the moment she looked at me, I kind of had to agree. So they got up and moved waaaay away from us. I just had to laugh. I mean, what kind of total loser brings a salad to the movies? Still, I always remember that episode fondly when I am in public with something that smells bad.